Are You a Professional Dater? Do You Know Someone Who Is?

Then You Simply Must Read the Following-It Could Save a Life!

A Quick Word About This Post…
I wrote about this same subject, Internet and Online Dating Addiction, in a post titled “Are You Addicted to Online Dating?” back in the beginning of January. I feel the need to try and keep up with the subject, since every day more and more people become addicted to online dating-or just being online period. That said, I am hoping that by writing about this subject more it can open the eyes of the addicted and others who may know someone afflicted with this problem.

The good thing is-there is help. At the bottom of the post, I will post some general numbers and websites so you-or the person who needs help-can get it, without having to divulge all the personal details of their lives. Everyone should have a chance at having a good life without fear of recrimination. That is all that matters, really.

What Kind of Dater are You?
When you enter the world of online dating, things can be seen very differently, no matter what it is that you do. The one thing that remains the same, however, is the type of person you are and how you react to certain things.

Type 1: Casual
Take a casual dater. This type of dater will casually date a few times, log onto their chosen site once in a while, check their email for messages only so often and so on.

Type 2: Involved
A slightly more agitated, and more involved dater is one who does these same things, but devotes more time to doing them. Maybe these daters will spend a few hours on a dating site talking to one or two peole, or sending messages and replying to messages they have received. This is the norm, and nothing to worry about.

Type 3: Obsessive
Then, on the other end of the spectrum, you have got the obsessive dater who is logged into their dating profile for the better part of their free time, and it can get to the point where it starts to impede their normal daily lives-but not quite, so it seems s if everything is ok. This is where it starts to get real dicey. There is a fine line between this dater and the next one, so read carefully. This type of dater can sometimes pass from the obsessive dater to the professional online dater in a moments notice, and you can almost never know it.

Type 4: The Professional (Perpetual)
The last type of dater is known as the Addicted or the Professional Dater. This type of dater does almost nothing else. They devote as many hours in a day as they can to all the aspects that come with online dating. Constantly having email open, writing back to back messages to prospects-before they give them a chance to answer, seeking out people in the chat rooms and message boards whom they may not even have an interest in, but feel the need to chat or talk with them because they are “obligated to do so.” This is the addicted dater. And, they have no idea they have gone as far as they do.

This type of dating rues their lives, to the point of many giving up their work, free time, and anything else they have to just so they can spend one more minute (I promise!) on the chat site. So they can have a few more minutes saying, “But hat if I log off and the perfect one can’t find me?” This is where the problem lies. You see, when people get to this point, it becomes a problem for them. This is the point people get to when they start behaving like addicts. And, for the most part, they are addicts and they will act tha sme as addicts do with anything else. They will give up anything just to get one more minute, one more chat, one mor message. Nothing else matters.

The usual Signs and Symptoms
Just as addicts to anything else would say, “I can stop anytime” or “I don’t have a problem” both of these statements, no matter how well intentioned, just simply are not true. So, while they sit there getting that one last message in for the day, they are ruining their lives-and the lives of others. You see, what people such a the Professional dater do not realize is they are hurting the people around them. Maybe not physically, but the fact that they ignore almost anything and everything else, well, that is just unacceptable.

You see, the people who are addicted, they just don’t realize it. Or sometimes they do, but will go to great lengths to hide it. Following is an excerpt of an earlier post on the subject:

Some Other Signs
There are other signs to look for. If you are addicted to online dating, it can have its consequences, just like being addicted to drugs. It also has many of the same symptoms. Do you find yourself doing or feeling any of the following?
• Breaking up with people over and over again, even though they were perfect
• Blaming others for your problems
• Running out of money because you spent it on dating site memberships
• Having to borrow money all the time for the same reason as above
• Are you sad when you can’t get to a computer
• Are you ecstatic when you can get to a computer
• Do you get angry if the site is down for maintenance
• Have you missed work because on online dating
• Have you lost your job because of online dating
• Do you have frequent mood swings
If you have answered yes to at least two of these questions, chances are you might be addicted to online dating and need help.

Do you see the signs? Do you know anyone with them? If so, I urge you to seek help for the person immediately. And please, know the person addicted (if it isn’t you) may be upset with you for doing so. This is because they don’t want to have to admit they have lost control over their lives. This is a most humiliating thing to have to consider. I know, I have been there (but not for dating-almost 20 years of a drinking/drug addiction…3 years clean!) So you can imagine I understand the feelings that come with this subject. And why you might consider pretending as if it is not there.

But I will tell you this-get help. Because no matter how much the person hates you for interfering with their lives, (in my experience) it is better to know people were there for you when you needed it then to one day fix your problems and look back on and see no one actually gave a shit about you!

Where do you go for help? Here are a few numbers that you can call, and some websites you can visit a particular to the problem of online dating addiction.

The ReStart Internet Addiction Recovery Program This is the original Internet and Gaming addiction help and treatment center-the first of its kind.
Contact them 24 hours a day: 1 (425) 417-1715
They also have a questionnaire to see if you fit the profile of an internet addict.

The TroubledWIth Center for Immediate Help and Long term Hope

To reach Focus on the Family’s counseling service by phone, call (719) 531-3400 ext. 7700 or 1-800-A-Family (800-232-6459) weekdays 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. (MST). Please mention the “TroubledWith” Web site when you call. If a counselor is not immediately available, you can leave your contact information and a counselor will call you back as soon as possible. This one-time consultation is available at no cost to you.

Please Do Something…
So, please, take this information and get some help or help those who need it. If these centers can’t help you, then contact your local Internet Addiction chapter or center. Because some help is better than nothing at all-or pretending like it never existed in the first place.

~Never Give Up Hope Because When All Else is Lost-Hope is All We Have Left~

3 responses to “Are You a Professional Dater? Do You Know Someone Who Is?”

  1. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by thoughtsondatin: It’s been awhile since TOD has posted anything-.But we are back and have written new posts-check them out! http://tinyurl.com/yjwu6h4

  2. Always Single in Dallas Avatar
    Always Single in Dallas

    I have a friend James who loves to date online. He doesn’t openly admit it though because of the bad aura around it, but he says it’s a great way to filter out what he does and doesn’t want. Eventually though for one reason or another it doesn’t work out but for the other guys I know who don’t online date, I think he’s on par as the norm.

    I wouldn’t qualify him as addicted though but he does go out on a lot of date, but its just increases his chances of meeting someone he likes. He does fine at the bars meeting people so its not like he has social anxieties or anything. And he’s a gentleman at all times. He just likes to online date and I don’t see an issue with it. But the group of us would be considered as professional daters, and I am getting kind of tired of it now that I am 34

  3. Aplus Avatar

    Well, i am more of a casual dater, will seriously have to start changing my ways.

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