Your Dating Style: The Lover

An Inside Look at Your Dating Style

Understand Your Date
Do you understand who you are dating or having a relationship with? You might but then again, many do not and it is not that uncommon. Not having the ability to understand the person you have a relationship with is the number reason why people break up. If you find the two of you do not get along, there may be a good reason why as well as reasons why you get along so well on one level and not another. That said, it is your definition of happiness that really counts. Your definition of happiness may not be the same as your partner’s and that could be causing any problems you might be having in the relationship.

It is important to remember that different people have different dating styles and not all are compatible. It is important to figure out which dating style you tend to lean towards and then figure out who is your best partner.

Are You a Lover Type?
What is it that makes the loving and caring person more so than others, so much that it is considered a dating style? Well, first off these people are overly caring-almost to the point of annoyance or maybe even stalking. Some of the particular traits of a lover include:

  • You are more of a follower than a leader
  • You would rather make other people happy than make yourself happy
  • You will not give up on a relationship-even a bad one
  • You sacrifice anything to save a relationship
  • You put others wants needs and feelings before your own
  • You would rather talk than do anything else, sometimes including making love
  • You give the decisions over to your partner
  • You are a constant procrastinator
  • You are a people pleaser
  • You never talk about what you want or need
  • You do not like to hurt anyone’s feelings

How the Lover Sees the World
The person who tends to fall within the parameters of the lover sees the world in a certain light. For instance, the lover would rather make someone happy by doing something you do not want to do than to possibly hurt them by saying no. However, on the other hand, the lover will see resentment and anger when things go a little too far in this respect. The lover tends to bottle things up inside in the form of resentment and later will explode in a rage of feelings. Most times, this rage will be hurtful to others and be in the form of an argument or accusatory statements.

Lovers also tend to see other people , all of them, as people who want to control the world, having something against them, or are out to get them. This can lead to unwarranted paranoia. When the lover is in a position to be with a group of people, they tend to be shy, meaning they never speak their mind. This oftentimes leads to the group making decisions without the input of the lover, which is why he thinks everyone else wants to control him. The lover will also feel he is being trapped into doing things he does not want to do. This is because of the lack in decision making or motivation to do anything on his own.

As for the relationship he is in, he feels he must completely pacify his partner for fear of rejection. However, he also sees an opportunity to make someone happy on a more intimate level at the same time. Any time his partner wants or needs something, he will not hesitate to provide it to them. On the other hand, he can also see this relationship and his partner as controlling. When things start to get too involved, and his partner really does make all of the decisions without regard for the lover’s feelings (as the lover wants) it is done without mentioning or talking about what the lover wants or needs. Much later on in the relationship, this can become second nature and it eventually creates tension between them. Then, the lover’s partner may even resent him for making them make all the decisions, creating even more tension.

How the World Sees the Lover
The world around the lover tends to see this person as a very docile creature. The lover is easy to please, and easy to manage. The world thinks of the lover as a follower and a procrastinator. This means the lover’s boss may never offer him a promotion for fear he would be walked on by his own subordinates. The world sometimes sees the lover as an unstable person when it comes to their emotions. Because what the outside world sees is a person who is nice and manageable for a few weeks then maybe for a few days out of the month, they go on a rampage while letting out all of the bottled up energy and resentment.

The world tends to walk on eggshells because they fear of setting the lover off into a rage. They also tend not to ask for advice or decisions because they know the only answers they will get form the lover is a “I don’t care” or “Whatever you think is fine with me.” These responses show the world that the lover just doesn’t care or have motivation enough to do anything on his own.

What Really Happens
The lover will also try to make peace with the world, no matter what the cost. This means that while they may be helping others, they could be hurting themselves. Because they do not like to let anyone down, it can cause a lot of needless hurting and no one would know until it was too late. Because he makes no decisions on his own for fear of hurting anyone, it puts him into a difficult position of the people pleaser because one day he will not have the ability to please everyone in question.

When things go roughly for the lover, they tend to be even more at peace with everyone around them because they are paranoid of hurting anyone but do not care about being hurt. The emotional turmoil the lover feels is so out of control that these are the people a person needs to be careful of. Some lovers are completely unpredictable when it comes to relationships. These types of lovers want a relationship to work so badly that they will do anything to fix it or make it work. These types of lovers tend to eventually turn into stalkers. They can even become violent if they are not careful. This is because of all the rage that builds up inside. These types of lovers need counseling to help talk out their feelings, needs and wants. Because if something is not done now, the once peaceful lover can eventually turn into the violent stalker type.

While most of the lover’s traits are formidable, they can easily be very hurtful-to yourself. There is a fine line between emotional support and emotional weakness and most lovers have a hard time finding this line and border on emotional instability instead. This is what makes them so very dangerous if their traits are not looked at or taken seriously.

~JC Torpey

One response to “Your Dating Style: The Lover”

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