Your Dating Style: The Controlling Dater

An Inside Look at Dating Styles

Understanding Your Date
Do you understand the person you are dating or having a relationship with? If not, there may be a good reason as to why. And also a great reason why you get along so well on one level and not another. That said, it is your definition of happiness that really counts. Your definition of happiness may not be the same as your partner’s and that could be causing any problems you might be having in the relationship. Different people have different dating styles, so it is important to figure out which dating style you are and then figure out who is your best partner.

The Controller
Being the controlling party of anything can be exhilarating. It can also cause many problems between two people. When one person is a controller and the other is as well, it causes the two to butt heads. If one is a controller and the other is not it can cause a dictatorship between the to. That said, answer the following questions:

  • Are you a master time saver?
  • Are you a master at making things more efficient?
  • Do you overly like competition and winning?
  • Do you take statistics and results for anything and everything?
  • Do you use those statistics and results to measure something’s worth?
  • Are you the first to offer up a solution to a problem?
  • Must everyone follow that solution?
  • Do you dislike or mistrust people who do not agree with what you say?
  • Must you always be right?
  • Must you have anything right now?
  • Do you make all the decisions?
  • Are you impatient?

If you have said yes to any of these questions, then it is quite possible you are a controlling person. This is a difficult type of person to be with or be around. As I can imagine it is difficult to be this type of person, even if you do not realize you are.

How Does the World See You?
When a person tries to control every situation they have ever been in, they can get used to the idea of others following their directions and doing whatever they say. You are the take charge type of person. You see the world as your playground, literally, and seeing as you make everyone do whatever you want them to do for you, you can also have anything you want. You like things done right the first time and also like to know they will be done on time. You have a tendency to think the only way things will be done right is if you do them.

You want and need things to be your way all the time. You know you have the power and are not afraid to use it. That said, God help the person who disagrees with you because you are not afraid to let them know how upset you are when they do. You are the do all person in a relationship. You are the one who decides where you will go and what you will do.

The problem with this type of person is that most of the “friends” are not really friends. They are people who are afraid to say no to the controlling one. They are friends out of fear. They are only in the picture because they are afraid to leave or say no for fear of upsetting this person. This is the type of person who usually turns into an abuser.

How the World Sees the Controller
When the controller tells someone to do something, they do it out of fear. However, the person doing what they are told are thinking something completely different. The world sees the controller as an asshole, as someone who does not care what anyone else thinks. Most people are resentful of a controller. People see these controllers as independent and stubborn. And while they may in fact be very intelligent, they are discounted because of their attitude. No one really wants to be around them for fear of what will happen.

The Real Truth
In reality, a controller has no idea he is perceived this way however if he did he wouldn’t care. They are impatient, easily irritable and difficult to please-no matter what. They want what they want when they want it and however they want it-NOW. No excuses for any discrepancy with what the controller states or wants. It does not matter what anyone says or does, the controller is always right, no matter how wrong he is proven to be.

This is a learned behavior and there is nothing anyone can do about it but the controlling person himself. These traits follow a family for generations. Because it is a learned behavior, the controller cannot be at fault but instead must be understood and gently coerced into counseling. Otherwise he might just wind up sitting in a jail cell one day-or dead.

~JC Torpey

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A few thoughts on dating, relationships and love

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